spinwitchdoctor

·  Your VIKILEAKS agent buys a newspaper from a street vendor and they begin to chat about how expensive the tabloid is;” just to sell Mugabe,” says the vendor and he jumps up:”Ho…ho…that one, no one will ever take him alive. You see that little moustache that he is spotting, that’s exactly where the ancient muti of his ancestors lays peacefully buried, yet to continue to terrify the whole world. No one will take him alive. Not even the WIKILEAKS him unless the American spies get to shave that moustache and dig out the muti.”

·  Raw township politics has hit the capital of South Africa [surreptitiously re-named Mzansi during Thabo Mbeki’s rule] to run rampant. My bug has the scoop: You see Sputla the new juvenile Lord Mayor is an Attridgeville Township[former bantu labour compound] section 10(I)A bonafide legit dweller, Gwen his aunt and predecessor Her Worship is; their nemesis former city manager Kiba is and mind  you, Phedi as Attridgeville is fondly called by darkies, is what Brooklyn is to New York city at least in the black fork tradition and in the overall economic  material set-up…

So, there is no way his worship Sputla would in the old darkie tradition, avoid the weekly neighbourhood funerals, weddings birthday-parties, christenings, confirmations and tombstone unveiling feasts. You miss just one of these at the risk of losing political support and general popularity; Sputla’s entire ilk   know this only very well.

Now it was at one of these for ever happening or organised shindigs that His Worship was said to have been pulled by the lapel, a few hours after his election;”Can I see you in camera die bra, for just two minutes chief…” The puza-faced citizen breathed spinza fumes all over him.

.”The township is abuzz with your inheriting bokgosi ba ga Gwen [chieftaincy] your aunt, as part of the grand plan to get her given a golden hand shake; especially under your hawk-eyed watch .Now what about ole kibs? Kiba ouboetie,man; his cut man, as onse bra, ek meen my ma se kind, we hear your speech about first things first; potholes, non- functioning street lights etc etc; now daai’s for laanies, what about onse ma se kind? Just a hand shake my bra; ‘n hand shake never killed no one in power; whether in apartheid government or people’s government. And please have an open door daai, ding eh policy, for us to always be available to update you on the low downs downtown kasie way…We will always love you, and won’t let you down. Just don’t surround yourself with moegoes, asseblief my ma se kind.

The rest is now damn [sorry my language] history…Ea khaola ea ea…

My bug has it that our government department relevant to Wikileaks,  went full swing this week to explain their jibe at Mugabe as a crazy old man,  attributed to it’s Minister ‘They now explain that this was just in retort to an MDC official who actually said the words and was misunderstood by our Minister, who had then replied  :Oh, he is our old man too; is it not a small crazy world? That the planted bug clearly has no perfect Zimbabwean and South African English skills.

That Bad BRAD Woods was hired by a newer generation of the  Mandelas and the Zumas not because the famed judgement skills that they inherited are waning; but that they are actually sharpening.

Having learned from the old man for hiring a boere meisie as secretary for life,[an advice from the intelligence comrades] that seeing that madame has no known pedestrian affinity with township locals, she would never let anyone see Tata at random -save the rich American school drop-outs-reducing the elder statesman to a local government ward councillor.

So the boys went head-hunting for the meanest trigger happy boer seun dude of our times since Van Schoor of the Eastern Cape. Since the dude had been in a number of shoot outs with the township  and probably mixed with [matswantle]”Scum”.

They reasoned I hear tell; “Brad speaks no Zulu no Tsotsitaal no Swahili; so there is no way he is going to buckle on the knees negotiating with niggers as guard-in-chief. And Wala…the baddest Brat got the job with a distinct resultant results of “Makwerekwere” blood further fertilising our A RORA[madinyana a ditautona] mines.

In the meanwhile VIKILEAKS has not yet got word about a fitting top delegation from these shores going to the victims home countries, to go and apologise on our behalf. All we hear is of  bloody Brad beating the drum beat of what he calls war, does this brat know what war is? War is not about sitting in the back of a stinking police kwela- kwela for loferskaap.I bet you sure as my name VIKILEAKS, is; there would be a humongous diplomatic ruction were the victims to have been some North Koreans or British scavengers